A Note from Hixon Frank
Hey Church,
One Sunday, in a previous church, there was a steady stream of people in the aisles, and our staff was engaging those God had drawn to the steps of the platform. The pastor had given a “come forward” invitation, much like he had done hundreds of times before, but this time, something special was happening.
Along with the rest of the Pastoral Team, I was praying with people when I noticed a young woman named Maggie (not her real name), red-faced and in tears, waiting to talk to me specifically. As was our practice, I motioned for one of our female decision counselors to come and pray with Maggie, but she was adamant that she talk only to me. That is when the story got interesting.
I offered a sympathetic smile and asked Maggie how I could help her. She started by asking if I remembered her. I did remember her and assumed it was from one of the ministries in our church. I responded simply, “I know we have met before, but I can’t place where it was.”
She proceeded, “I was a college student last year and went to one of the midweek college services where you taught.”
At that point, and in my arrogance, I smiled broadly and thought that she was about to thank me for sharing that night and that God had used that message to bring her to repentance today. Boy, was I wrong!
She continued, “I was there when you shared a story,” then her face became angry, “which I found very mean-spirited and personal. So did my boyfriend, and we haven’t been back to church ever since!” (Later I looked at my notes and saw that it was an illustration about “how easily sin entangles us” from Hebrews 12:1).
“But,” she continued, “I was reading in Matthew (she was referencing Matthew 5:23-24 So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.) and it says I have to come to you and make it right. So, I forgive you!”
“You forgive me???” I indignantly thought but was careful not to say out loud.
Completely unsure of what to say to her, I put on a gracious face and asked her if she would mind staying briefly after the service so we could “unpack” this a bit more.
Unable to think of much else, I fumbled through the closing announcements, celebrated the remarkable day of ministry, and dismissed the church.
Our Women’s Minister joined us as we sat for a few moments after the service and talked through the pain that I caused in Maggie’s life, the anger she had carried towards me, and her willingness to forgive me.
I dutifully apologized for the offense, and Maggie felt better. We all prayed together, and she departed.
To be honest, there are SO MANY ways to go with this story, but let’s go THIS way with it…
I have since come to embrace this event as a “call to action” for myself regarding how I see forgiveness…
Here are some things I learned from Maggie…
- Maggie carried her anger for months. Why didn’t she just overlook the offense? After all, I was talking to a couple hundred students and certainly not to her specifically. Scripture tells us in Proverbs 19:11 “A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.” It is ok to not be offended by what is said to you… even from a pulpit.Crazy huh? Well, maybe. But … how often do I hold on to an offense because I disagreed with, didn’t like, or was offended by something that was said? Maybe I should live Proverbs 19:11 out a little better myself. I suppose I could get better at overlooking an offense. We all could.
- Maggie really had an unreasonable and immature response. She was upset with what someone she didn’t know, and had never met, said to a room full of people. Crazy huh? Well, maybe. But … Each time I watch the news, I do the same thing. Someone I’ve never met, don’t know, and have only heard of says something that offends me…. Ugh!
- She wanted to punish me by not coming back to church. Seriously? That didn’t make much sense. Especially when a conversation, seeking clarity & understanding, giving the “benefit of the doubt,” and extending a little grace would have avoided all of the drama. Crazy huh? Well, maybe. But… sometimes withdrawing and getting some space helps us process and gain perspective. That is hard to do in the middle of an offense. I am certainly not encouraging people to leave a church…far from it! I am encouraging people to reconcile and overlook offenses. When that is too hard to do, take a moment, collect yourself and go talk to them about it!
- I wounded her, and I never knew it. I moved on to the “next thing,” trying to walk with Jesus as well as I could, teaching, sharing, praying, etc.… Crazy huh? Well, maybe. But… if I am honest, I carry wounds from people who have no idea what they did or said to cause my pain. We may paint scenarios where THEY are the bad guys, and WE are the innocent victims. More often than not, people are a complex mix of self-absorption, distraction, and doing their best!
- She had the courage to come to me and make it right. Most of us just sit and stew on issues when a conversation would clear up most disagreements. Her courage, even if I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time, was so rare and so GOOD!
Bottom Line…
Ephesians 4:30-32,
And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
Practically, this means taking proactive steps to reconcile with those with whom we disagree and being open, even when we don’t know we have conflicts with them! It requires humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to seek peace. Sometimes, it involves difficult conversations, swallowing our pride, and extending grace. But the reward is worth it—a restored relationship with both God and our fellow believers.
Are there unresolved conflicts hindering your worship and relationship with God? Let’s take care of them!
You are loved and prayed for (and I forgive some of you! 😉 ).
Hixon